I'm back. Back stateside. Back in Boston. Back in my apt in Somerville, MA. I'm exhausted. Beyond exhausted. I'm happy to see all of you, dear friends. I love you quite truly. But I am having a really hard time with being back.
After getting home tonight (after an obsurdly long ride on the chinatown bus and a short ride with DJ who SO SO graciously picked my very late ass up) I went to the grocery store to buy something to eat. Granted I was tired. I was overwhelmed. I was hungry. But I don't think those are exactly all the reason why I found myself walking the isles of Shaw's Supermarket nearly in tears.
I think that there are places in this world that fit us like a favorite pair of shoes. Where we arrive and slide in, finding a comfortable and familiar fit like an old and well loved pair of jeans. Places where the hardships we find do not sour but only "season" our relationship with the place. Cities where we find ourself feeling endless space to grow and become, despite cramped quarters, cramped streets, cramped buses and metro cars. Places where we are completely at home, despite being complete strangers to the city. Places that for all their little idiosyncrases and elements that make you nuts (like being a target for the constant harassment which is tolerated by the authorities and other members of the society), you love the city and feel she loves you back.
I think that Paris has been such a place for me. It is not just the city of love, it is also a city that is incredibly easy to love.
It is not that I completely dislike Boston. There is much that I like about Boston, and I have fantastic friends here whom I love very dearly. But the truth is that Boston had an expiration date for me, and that date came and went a long time ago. I am struggling with my return to Boston, where I felt no such struggle upon my departure and settling into Paris.
It is a strange feeling - as it no longer feels at all like home to me. I am waiting with baited breath to hear of my acceptance to Lesley University. Because if I don't get in, I mean no offense but I am going to sell off my belongings and my cat and I are going to return together to Paris. This time I cannot leave her behind, because home is where your cat is...
Hey, what a shame that you've left Paris. I stumbled across your blog on some random google search (only a few weeks after moving to Paris) and stayed up for hours reading it! It's made for some good entertainment when I really should have been studying. We were thinking of getting in touch because it sounded as if you were living so close by. We've recently moved to Montmartre, only been in Paris for 2 months. It would have been good if we'd contacted you to catch up - we should have done that earlier, but so you learn, I guess.
ReplyDeleteWell, if you're ever in Paris again... toinette99@gmail.com. You're more than welcome to crash at our place and we love cats. Hope it all goes well back in the States.
Take care.
Toinette
You know what, I can totally understand because I love Paris too. I lived there for a year, then had to go back to the UK to study. I missed it so much, I went back whenever I could... and luckily I could just hop on the 'train' (eurostar) and go, even just for the day! Yes, I LOVE Paris! I'm your newest follower!
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